


the devil's in the details, but you've got a friend in me

by irrationalqueer



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Anxiety, Depression, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-04
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:34:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26291218
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irrationalqueer/pseuds/irrationalqueer
Summary: Fiona sighs, squeezing a little tighter around Dani’s shoulder, trying to pull her closer, as always. Dani pushes her face further into Fiona’s neck and the cold metal of her nose ring isn’t exactly comfortable, but Fiona doesn’t want her to move away anyway so it doesn’t really matter.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 9
Kudos: 15





	the devil's in the details, but you've got a friend in me

**Author's Note:**

> this is sort of a sister fic to my other story, "the rain is always gonna come". maybe check that one out too?

Fiona sighs, squeezing a little tighter around Dani’s shoulder, trying to pull her closer, as always. Dani pushes her face further into Fiona’s neck and the cold metal of her nose ring isn’t exactly comfortable, but Fiona doesn’t want her to move away anyway so it doesn’t really matter. The tears seem to have stopped, although Dani’s still sniffling every few minutes and she can still feel the leftover moisture along her shoulder. She feels a momentary fierce protectiveness well up inside of her and she turns her face, planting a firm kiss on Dani’s head and staying there, burying her face in the soft curls and just breathing her in for a minute. She smells like cinnamon and vanilla and something deeper that Fiona had once dared to describe as “manly”, which had sent Dani ranting for almost half an hour about the unnecessary gendering of personal care products and had only ended when Fiona got up and left the room to go play Mario Kart without her. Fiona isn’t attracted to men, but some of the most comforting and kind people she knows are men. And Dani’s like that too. She doesn’t think it’s a big deal. 

But it does smell almost manly, the perfume or body wash or whatever it is, and Fiona loves the contrast of it with the sweet vanilla and cinnamon. It’s kind of like a sexy pumpkin spice latte or something. Or, if she’s feeling poetic, its like late summer/early autumn and falling in love. She just thinks it’s very Dani, and sometimes, in moments like this, she’s overwhelmed by the knowledge that she gets to know something like that. She gets to know how Dani smells, what it feels like to hold her after a particularly bad crying jag. She gets to know that Dani spent half an hour painstakingly blowdrying her hair this morning and then let Fiona mess it up entirely about an hour later without complaining. She gets to know the very specific frustration of wanting to hear every thought in her head but also desperately wanting her to shut up when she starts making connections too deep for Fiona’s flighty brain to make sense of before she’s had her first cup of coffee. She gets to know these things and nobody else does, not anymore, and she’s grateful for all of it. It feels almost too big, like her chest is going to explode trying to contain how it feels to know someone so well. It makes her want to hold her even tighter and just not let go. 

Dani’s already so close that she might as well just be on top of Fiona. They started out sitting upright against the headboard, but as she got more and more worked up they ended up here: lying diagonally across the bed, Fiona’s head nearly hanging off one end with Dani curled up in a ball at her side. Fiona can’t fathom wanting this much touching during one of her anxiety attacks but Dani seems to thrive on it and she never, ever remembers to ask for it. It’s always Fiona pulling her closer and stroking her hair and holding her before she realizes she’s safe and essentially tries to get as close as she can without physically climbing inside of her. It’s a bit smothering, but Fiona’s been whipped for Dani since she first saw those soft brown eyes staring at her through her laptop screen and honestly being smothered by her probably isn’t the worst way to go. Dani brings Fiona chocolate and decaf when she’s recovering from a panic attack; Fiona lets Dani get as close as she can without actually wearing her like a skin suit. It’s a pretty even trade. 

She’s not sure how long they lay like that. They drew the curtains yesterday when Fiona had a migraine and haven’t pulled them back yet, so for all she knows it could be midnight now. It was only two in the afternoon when they laid down, but Fiona’s really only good at telling time when Dani’s not around to distract her. All she knows is that at some point between Fiona getting up to shower after their mid-morning romp and coming back in to find out if they were going to brave the grocery store or just order food, Dani started crying and they’d been here ever since. She hadn’t asked what was wrong; right now it doesn’t matter. Dani will tell her eventually. They’ve never been just friends, but Fiona knows she’s the best friend Dani’s ever had and the same is true in reverse, and that kind of honesty was hard earned and is a given at this point. So even though Fiona kind of has to pee, and she doesn’t actually know what’s going on, and they haven’t actually eaten today or even ordered food, she’s not moving until Dani tells her to. 

Almost as though she can hear Fiona thinking, Dani chooses that moment to stretch out, pulling Fiona towards her and pushing her knee between Fiona’s thighs. Fiona can actually see her face now, eyes red-rimmed but dry and lip bitten red. She smiles at her, but Dani only closes her eyes in response; that’s okay. Fiona knows all of Dani’s smiles anyway. She sweeps her thumb across Dani’s face, below her eye down her cheekbone and jaw, tilting her chin up to kiss her gently on the lips just once. She presses their foreheads together and settles her hand at the base of Dani’s spine, content to hold her here in peace as long as she needs.

**Author's Note:**

> title and inspo from peace by taylor swift.
> 
> find me on tumblr at irrationalqueer :)


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